This is going to be a pretty real post and I’m entering a dark area of my past that I don’t like to do but it’s going to help a lot of people out there who might be suffering from the same thing I did.
My running career was strongly impacted when I was kicked off my college team in my last semester of my senior year. I thought I could just bounce right back and that it wouldn’t be a big deal and the situation would fuel the fire for me to train even harder.
Every run I went on, I would think of it and it got to the point where I didn’t want to run anymore. The anger of being treated poorly and the loss of almost every teammate I had just filled my mind. It wasn’t until summer that I truly began to run without thinking about the situation and could enjoy running again. I didn’t think it would be possible, but it was.
I realized my relationship was strained because my love for running didn’t run my life. The thing we shared most was our love for running, but when I lost mine, we grew apart. I couldn’t stand how obsessive people could be about a sport to where it overtook their lives. A memory so hurtful for me was his life and that is a part of our falling out.
However, things changed. I have let go of things that reminded me anything of the negative past. So I don’t use running2win to log my runs, in fact I don’t log my runs really at all anymore. I don’t plan out my weekly mileage, daily mileage or keep track of the miles on my shoes. I don’t use my Garmin and I stop during my runs to take pictures of things and don’t feel bad about it at all.
I’m running free. “Run Free,” is kind of my motto in my life from this all. Run free of the negativity, run free of expectations, run free of guilt, run free of pressure, run free of judgment, run free of the past.
I don’t have to feel judged and am slowly bringing back the enjoyment of running into my life.
The con about the lack of running was that I gained weight. We all know it is easier to gain weight than to lose it.
I’m lucky enough to have the tools to lose the weight but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that it happened and now I’m on the journey to weight loss. People tell me that they don’t see it and that I don’t need to. But I know it’s there and I know where I feel happy at.
The thing is though, it isn’t the number on the scale that concerns me. Because see, you can be 130 pounds and have a better body composition than at 115. My goal isn’t getting back to the weight I was at, it’s building muscle and losing fat.
So as I regain running into my life, I have also added lifting which is truly essential in any athlete or general person’s life. Once again, I am lucky to have the tools in this area as well. I have a great support system at work full of coworker’s willing to train me and encouraging it as well.
So a whole year later and I am finally bouncing back.
This post is meant to help anyone ever struggling with a bump in the road. A love of something that feels so unattainable to get back. It’s possible. It takes the darkest moments to truly see the stars. I’m bouncing back and so can you.
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